October 8

Reflection of Memoir

In my memoir Brandon noticed some minor mistakes regarding that I accidentally repeated one of my statements. He also stated that he was confused as to if I did have two recesses or if I just put things out of order. I did have two recesses so the way I fixed that statement was by taking out the beginning of that paragraph and rewording it so that it makes a little more sense between the paragraph before and the paragraph after. Professor Pappas noticed that some of the run on sentences were still there, and that I had forgotten to fix them along with some spelling errors. She had also noted that I should add a reflection paragraph to really bring the memoir together. I fixed these minor mistakes by adding commas to different sentences, and by splitting really long sentences into two or three separate sentences. By doing this it helped the memoir really make more sense, and sound clearer to the reader about the point I am trying to make. I added the reflection paragraph at the end and after reading over my memoir, the last paragraph really does bring the memoir together. Throughout my own reading of my memoir I noticed some details were missing and some statements that didn’t make any sense. I added some more details and some more statements that I neglected to mention in my rough draft. I also fixed some grammar mishaps I made and put in some commas to fix my run-on sentences. I separated my dialog from the rest of the paragraphs so it’s easier for the reader to read my memoir. I tried to fix sentences that seemed confusing to read by making them either simpler or added more detail to help make more sense. Some sentences didn’t flow correctly so I changed some things a bit to make the whole memoir flow together better.

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October 8

Girl School (Memoir Final Draft)

Feeling the warm sun shining through my window, my mom gently shaking my shoulder to wake me up.

“Breanna it’s time to get up, it’s your first day of kindergarten.”

Here it was the day I’ve been waiting for was finally here, kindergarten. I couldn’t believe it was already here. I jump off my bed running to my closet to grab my uniform. It was a light blue tee-shirt with a navy blue jumper dress, navy blue tights and navy blue Velcro flats with flowers on the Velcro. While my mom does my hair I watch my favorite TV shows Teletubbies and BoohBah. Once my mom had finished my hair she knelt in front of me to help with my tights and shoes.

She looked up at me and said “Breanna, are you ready to meet some new friends.”

I looked down and said “Yeah, but I’m nervous they won’t like me.”

She held my hand and said “They will love you, hunny.”

I run into my parents’ bedroom to kiss my dad goodbye, then run into my room and grab my backpack. It was a bright pink bag with sparkly puppies on the back. I head outside to the car to head off to school. I pose for a picture in front of my mom’s tan 2002 Nissan Sentra. My mom takes the picture on one of the cameras with the wheel that scrolls to reset the film. I get into the car and listen to the high school musical CD and sing along to all of the songs. I look out the window to see we are pulling up to my new school, and I start to get butterflies in my tummy.

“Mommy I’m nervous, what if I don’t make any friends?” I asked her as we pull into the school parking lot.

She turns to look at me and says, “Don’t you worry hunny you will make plenty of friends.”

As we walk into the school yard that is bordered around with cones. I squeeze my mom’s hand tight and she smiles down at me and I smile back. We walk into the coned area and I notice all of the children excited to see their friends, and some are nervously clinging to their mom’s legs, like I am. My teacher Mrs. Brickhill came over to me with this little girl who was noticeably nervous, squeezing onto her hand tightly.

“Who is this beautiful little lady?” she says to me shaking my hand.

I giggle saying, “I’m Breanna Arruda.”

“Hello Breanna, it’s nice to meet you, I’m Mrs. Brickhill I am going to be your kindergarten teacher. This is Jayliana and she’s also new to this school, maybe you two can become friends.”

Who would’ve guessed that after this introduction, Jayliana and I would become best friends for life? I said goodbye to my mom with a kiss and a huge hug. Jay and I walked hand in hand behind our teacher finding all of our other class mates. Once we had found them we all lined up and Jay and I stood right next to each other. The bell rang and we walked into the school building and into the classroom. We walked into the large, brightly colored room and saw that we all had our names taped to the tops of the desk. I find my name and see that Jay is sitting right next to me we both smile at each other.

“We are going to be best friends forever!!!!” We both said at the same time.

Once we all got settled in we went around saying our names and favorite candy. First it was my turn, since both my first and last name were at the beginning of the alphabet, which I always hated.  I stood up nervously and shakily said, “Hi, my names Breanna and I LOVE Swedish Fish.” I sat back down listening to everyone else’s answers.

A few people down was Jay and she was also nervous, but she began to saying “Hi I’m Jay and I LOVE Starburst.” When she sat back down we both giggled to each other about our answers. We talked a lot together, but of course when our teacher wasn’t talking.

The bell rang and that meant it was time for recess. We all headed outside and sat around eating our snacks. We shared with people the snacks we didn’t want for other snacks we did wanted. There was this one girl named Sydney who always had the best snacks, she would have things like Cosmic Brownies, Yogo Bites, Famous Amos chocolate chip cookies, DunkAroos, Gushers, and she also would have the chocolate Yoo-hoo drinks. Everyone would trade with her. The bell rang which meant recess was over and it was time to go back inside. We all lined up in a separate grades and the recess monitor called us inside one grade at a time.

Once we got back inside we finished putting away all of our school supplies into our desks, and our cleaning products into the closets above our backpacks. Our teacher introduced us to the class pet, Jo-Jo the monkey puppet, we all loved Jo-Jo. He had a squeaker in his mouth and would squeak whenever Mrs. Brickhill moved his mouth. We then began to play with the toys in the back corner of the room. Jay and I loved to play with the chain pieces, we would make huge chain links in all sorts of colors. We even made a rainbow one that was twice our height, combined. Once we had finished putting away the toys we were playing with, the bell had rung again which meant it was lunch time.

We all sat down at our table and had our lunch. Some people brought their lunch while others bought school lunch. Each grade had their own table from Pre-K to Eighth Grade, Jay and I sat right next to each other. After lunch it was time for another recess. I know right its crazy, two recesses in a day. We all ran outside and played on the playground. Jay and I played hopscotch all the way up to 20, we had so much fun playing around with each other. The bell had rung which meant it was time to head back inside for some learning. Once we got inside we started learning the alphabet BACKWARDS!!!!! Which I found so much fun. Jay and I would race each other to see who could say the alphabet backwards the fastest. She would always win of course because I would always mess up on L, M, N, O, P.

The bell had rung, yet again but this time it didn’t mean more recess, it meant it was time to go home. Jay and I had the greatest idea. We would switch backpacks so that when our moms saw us they would know we wanted to ask them something. We really wanted more time to spend hanging out together, and we just couldn’t wait until the next day. So once we headed out of the school we walked over to our moms holding hands and giggling like crazy.

My mom noticed something was up and said, “I see that’s not your backpack Breanna and hey, look at that, Jay is wearing yours.”

Jay’s mom laughed and said “I wonder what these girls could possibly want from us.”

Jay and I kept on giggling and we both said “CAN WE HANG OUT TODAY!!”

From that day on Jay and I have been inseparable, and school has always kept us closer together. We had always gone to the same school since that day until it was time for high school. She went to Connolly and I went to Dartmouth, because Connolly was just too expensive. Even though we went to different high schools we always made sure that it didn’t impact our friendship. Now that we are both in college we see each other every day because we both go to BCC. She has made me a better person in the way I act around people, and the way I treat people. She gotten me out of my shell when it comes to talking to people I don’t know. We’ve always stuck by each other, and have always been there for each other when times get rough.

Category: Final Draft, Memoir, Uncategorized | 1 Comment on Girl School (Memoir Final Draft)
October 1

Peer Editing for Brandon’s Memoir

After reading Brandon’s memoir draft is sounding really good. I can tell how emotional he gets about what happened to his brother and how it effected his family. he talks about how his brother was acting before the incident occurred. The main message is basically saying that even the trouble child can’t take the amount of stress that had been built up inside. The line that really sticks out to me in a personal way is “for the first time in my life I could see tears in his eyes and it was the most heart breaking thing that I have ever seen, the man in my life that I had always known to be strong was finally broken and I would of never though this would be the thing to push him to the edge”, because I’ve never seen my dad cry until something bad happened to his best friend, I can really connect to this on a personal level because of the amount of family inside of hospitals.

Some sharp moments and/or details in the authors writing is when he goes into telling why his brother had gotten suspended, and how that had lead up to him bursting out and ending up in a mental hospital. could maybe add more detail about how the family felt when they would go and see him and how you felt when you first saw your brother. So far the memoir sounds good interns of detail, and showing just how much support his brother had during this rough time.

The most successful part of this memoir is the end when he starts going into further detail about his brothers condition. What’s working well is that he can get readers hooked into his writing. The only things that I would maybe change is the fact that he uses to many run on sentences. and that it’s sometimes hard to comprehend the word choice and the  way sentences are created through out the whole piece sometimes. I had a hard time understanding the sentences at some points which would then make me reread a couple of sentences trying to understand what the author was trying to say. I would also suggest reading over the paper again because there are some grammar and spelling issues. Through out the memoir there would be moments where the word choice would make my mind hiccup and make the moment of reading into a sentence again to understand the statement. Over all this is a really interesting memoir it is a really interesting topic to read about and I’m proud to have read the memoir and been about to help out the author with any hiccups they might have along the way.

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September 22

Girl School (Memoir Rough Draft)

Feeling the warm sun shinning through my window, my mom gently shake my shoulder to wake me up. “Breanna it’s time to get up, it’s your first day of kindergarten.” Here it was the day I’ve been waiting for for so long, kindergarten. I couldn’t believe it was this day already. I jump off my bed running to my closet to grab my uniform. It was a light blue tee-shirt with a navy blue jumper dress, navy blue tights and navy blue Velcro flats with flowers on the Velcro. My mom does my hair while I watch my favorite TV shows Teletubbies and BoohBah. Once my mom had finished my hair she knelt in front of me to help with my tights and shoes, she looked up at me and said “Breanna are you ready to meet some new friends.” I looked down and said “Yeah, but I’m nervous they won’t like me.” She held my hand and said “They will love you hunny.”

I run into my parents bedroom to kiss my dad goodbye, then run into my room and grab my backpack. I head outside to the car to head off to school. I pose for a picture in front of my moms tan 2002 Nissan Sentra. My mom takes the picture on one of the cameras that has the wheel that scrolls to reset the film. I get into the car and listen to the high school musical CD and sing along to all of the songs. I look out the window to see we are pulling up to my new school and I start to get butterflies in my tummy. “Mommy I’m nervous, what is i don’t make friends?” I asked her as we pull into the school parking lot. She turns to look at me and says “Don’t you worry hunny you will make plenty of friends.” As we walk into the school yard that is bordered around with cones, I squeeze my moms hand tight and she smiles down at me and I smile back.

We walk into the cones and see all of the children excited to see their friends and some who are nervously clinging to their moms, like I am. My teacher Mrs. Brickhill came over to me with this little girl who was noticeably nervous. “Hello Breanna, it’s nice to meet you, I’m Mrs. Brickhill I am going to be your kindergarten teacher. This is Jayliana and she’s also new to this school, maybe you two can become friends.” Who knew that after this introduction, Jayliana and I would become best friends for life. I said bye to my mom with a kiss and a huge hug as Jay and I walked hand in hand behind our teacher finding all of our other class mates. Once we had found them we all lined up and Jay and I stood right next to each other. The bell rang and we walked into the schools building and into the classroom we all had our names taped to the tops of our desk, I find my name and see that Jay is sitting right next to me we both smile at each other. “We are going to be best friends forever!!!!” We both said at the same time.

Once we all got settled in we went around saying our names, age and favorite candy. First it was my turn and I stood up nervously and shakily said, “Hi my names Breanna, I’m 4 years old and I LOVE Sweetish Fish.” I sat back down listening to everyone else’s answers. Next was Jay and she was also nervous she started saying “Hi I’m Jay, I’m 5 years old, and I LOVE Starburst.” She sat back down and we both kept talking to each other, but of course when our teacher wasn’t talking. The bell rang and that meant that it was time for recess, we all headed outside and sat around eating our snacks and sharing with people the snacks we didn’t want for other snacks we wanted. There was this one girl named Sydney who always had the best snacks, she would have the Cosmic Brownies, Yogo Bites, Famous Amos chocolate chip cookies, DunkAroos, Gushers and she also would have the Yoo-hoo drinks. Everyone would trade with her. The bell rang and it was time to go back inside, we all lined up in a separate grades and the recess monitor called us inside one grade at a time.

After recess we went back inside and finished putting away all of our supplies and cleaning products. Our teacher introduced us to the class pet, Jo-Jo the monkey puppet, we all loved Jo-Jo. Once we had finished putting away our things the bell rung again which meant lunch time. We all had our lunch which some people brought their food and some bought lunch. Each grade had their own table from Pre-K to Eighth Grade, Jay and I sat right next to each other like always. After lunch it was time for recess, we all went out side and played on the play ground. Jay and I played hopscotch all the way up to 20, we had so much fun playing around with each other. The bell had rung which meant it was time to head back inside for some more learning. We head inside and start learning the alphabet backwards, which I found so much fun. Jay and I would race each other to see who could say the alphabet backwards the fastest.

Once we finished that, she won of course because I always mess up on L, M, N, O, P, the bell had rung to go home and Jay and I had the greatest idea that we could switch backpacks so that when our moms saw us they would know we wanted to ask them something. We really wanted more time to spend hanging out together and we couldn’t wait until the next day. So once we headed out of the school we walked over to our parents holding hands a giggling like crazy, my mom said “I see that’s not your backpack Breanna and I see that Jay is wearing yours.” Jay’s mom had asked “I wonder what these girls could possibly want from us.” Jay and I kept on giggling and we both said “CAN WE HANG OUT TODAY!!” From that day on Jay and I have been inseparable, and school has always kept us closer together.

Category: Memoir, Rough Draft, Uncategorized | 1 Comment on Girl School (Memoir Rough Draft)
September 17

Sample Memoir

In this memoir it talks about a girl who goes to an all girl summer camp for the first time. She hated it at first but once she got to know the girls there, she got to know girls younger, her age and older than her. She earned things about these girls lives such as the friends they hang out with and their family life. Most of the girls are there to either forget about the bad things that are happening at home and to get away from the bad crowd they have been hanging out with.

I picked this memoir because it reminds me of my first day of switching from an all girls private school to a public high schools. I didn’t know anyone at the high school until I got to know my now best friends. I liked that she described very well her experience about meeting the girls and the reasons why they all were there. It gave me some ideas to use in my memoir such as being descriptive about the people I mention.

The universal significance of this memoir is the concept of meeting new people and making new friends and being in a new place for the first time. She talks about how she didn’t know anyone and didn’t even want to be there until she met the girls and became best friends with them. She loves going to camp now and goes back every summer. I’ve never been the best at making new friends and talking to others, so i can relate to this memoir with my own personal experiences.

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